In our latest episode, we had the pleasure of speaking with Kris D, an officiant from Sacramento whose passion for uniting people through love and celebration is undeniable. Kris brings years of experience to her role, and with each ceremony she officiates, she focuses on creating a meaningful and memorable experience for the couple, their families, and friends. For Kris, officiating a wedding is about so much more than the “I dos”; it’s about weaving together the love stories, dreams, and values of each couple she meets. Throughout our conversation, Kris shared her unique perspectives on the role of an officiant, how she helps couples find their voice in their wedding ceremony, and the importance of creating a strong foundation for a lasting marriage.

From Sacramento Roots to Celebrating Love

Kris is a Sacramento native with a deep love for the valley, the community, and the spirit of celebration. When asked why she became an officiant, her answer was simple: she loves seeing people happy, motivated, and surrounded by joy. With her background in community engagement and a knack for bringing people together, Kris found herself drawn to officiating, where she could help create beautiful moments of unity, love, and family. While weddings are her favorite type of ceremony, Kris also performs baptisms, funerals, and other services that mark life’s important transitions. “It’s not a performance,” she emphasizes. “It’s an honor to be there for people during life’s most meaningful times.”

The Role of an Officiant: More Than Just “I Do”

So, what exactly does an officiant do? Kris explains that the role involves far more than reciting vows. She helps couples navigate every aspect of their ceremony, from deciding on readings to incorporating meaningful traditions or unity rituals that reflect their journey together. She finds that many couples come to her without a clear idea of what they want in a ceremony, which is a perfect starting point. Kris embraces the opportunity to guide them through these early decisions, listening carefully to their stories and helping them create a ceremony that reflects their personalities, values, and love story.

One of the first pieces of advice Kris gives to couples is to remember what brought them together. “Focus on the love,” she advises, especially during the sometimes-stressful planning process. For Kris, communication between partners is essential, not only in creating a ceremony but in building a successful relationship. “Stay connected to the journey,” she encourages. “The joy and excitement that brought you together should be your focus.”

Customizing Every Ceremony to Reflect Each Couple

Kris takes great pride in making every wedding unique. Whether it’s a formal event with traditional vows or a laid-back beach ceremony in jeans and sandals, she works closely with the couple to capture their vision. Kris is attuned to the importance of cultural and personal traditions, and she has even incorporated elements like hand-tying ceremonies or including pets and children. From lighting candles to planting trees or mixing cocktails, Kris works with each couple to explore unity ceremonies that feel authentic and meaningful to them. She’s passionate about honoring family heritage, and if the bride or groom wants to wear attire reflecting their culture—like a kilt or other cultural garments—she’s thrilled to find ways to incorporate those touches.

Timelines and Pre-Marital Counseling: Setting Up for Success

For Kris, the ideal timeline for planning a wedding ceremony is around a year, but she’s quick to note that the real importance lies in focusing on joy and love, not just the checklist. “It’s okay if you’re not on a strict timeline,” she says. “Just enjoy the journey.” She encourages couples to seek pre-marital counseling or, as she prefers to call it, “mentoring,” to establish open lines of communication and work through any potential challenges before the big day. She views counseling as an opportunity for couples to gain tools to help them in the long run. With her own experiences of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, Kris understands the importance of building a solid foundation and has seen firsthand how counseling can strengthen relationships.

For couples who are on the fence about pre-marital counseling, Kris reframes it as mentorship, a supportive resource that can help them navigate life’s ups and downs. She believes that, much like having a mentor in any field, having guidance in marriage can make all the difference in building a lasting partnership.

Unity Ceremonies: Finding Unique Ways to Symbolize Love

In addition to traditional sand or candle ceremonies, Kris has seen a resurgence of the hand-tying ritual, which originated in Scottish and Irish traditions. For her, each unity ceremony brings a unique charm, allowing couples to create a visual representation of their connection. She listens closely to both partners, especially encouraging the groom’s perspective, which can sometimes be overlooked in planning. “Listening to both sides is so important,” she says. “When you tune into what both people value, the ceremony becomes something truly memorable.”

Kris loves helping couples discover what unity ceremony feels right for them. She has seen couples mix cocktails, water plants, and even incorporate cultural artifacts or family heirlooms. “It’s about finding the symbol that best represents you,” she says, reminding couples that this part of the ceremony can be a powerful reflection of their relationship.

Advice for Writing Vows: Making the Words Count

When it comes to writing vows, Kris has seen it all—from meticulously crafted vows written months in advance to last-minute scribbles on the wedding day. For couples feeling nervous about writing, she recommends starting early and keeping the vows genuine and personal. She asks couples if they are comfortable with public speaking and, if they prefer not to recite their vows aloud, offers alternatives. Kris also encourages them to write out their vows so they’ll have them on hand to re-read through the years. “These are the words you’ll remember forever,” she reminds them. “It’s worth taking the time to make them meaningful.”

Blending Families and Cultures: Embracing Heritage in Modern Marriages

As weddings increasingly bring together diverse cultures, traditions, and even religious backgrounds, Kris has gained valuable experience in helping couples navigate these complexities. She emphasizes the importance of honoring each partner’s culture, whether that means having two ceremonies, blending traditions into one, or simply respecting the customs of each family. Kris believes in learning the “love language” of each culture and incorporating elements that symbolize each partner’s background, allowing the couple to create a respectful, unified ceremony.

One memorable wedding she officiated involved blending East and West Coast traditions. Kris sat down with the couple and family members to map out a wedding timeline that honored both backgrounds. By encouraging everyone to communicate openly and respect each other’s customs, she helped the couple create a unique event that was as meaningful as it was inclusive.

Advice for Newlyweds and Couples

When asked what advice she’d give couples, Kris’s answer is simple: enjoy the journey. She encourages couples to stay focused on what matters most—the love and commitment they share. Throughout the planning process and beyond, Kris advises couples to prioritize regular date nights and moments of connection to keep their relationship strong. She also emphasizes the importance of leaning on each other through life’s challenges, including blending families, dealing with finances, or navigating different life stages. “Love is a beautiful journey,” she says. “It’s not about getting everything perfect; it’s about staying together through all the highs and lows.”

Choosing a Family Member or Friend as an Officiant

In some cases, couples opt for a family member or friend to officiate their wedding. While Kris supports this choice, she encourages couples to select someone neutral and supportive who can guide them not only on the wedding day but also in the future. “An officiant does more than just read vows,” she notes. “They help the couple feel calm and centered and set the tone for the ceremony.” For those seeking to officiate a friend’s wedding, Kris suggests getting ordained online and preparing to offer gentle guidance that will keep the ceremony focused and heartfelt.

Words of Encouragement from Kris D

Kris leaves our listeners with heartfelt words of wisdom: “Love is a lifelong journey. It’s not about the ring or the perfect dress; it’s about staying committed through all the valleys and celebrating the joy of being with your partner.” For her, a successful marriage is built on respect, open communication, and a willingness to learn from each other. Her passion for helping couples create their dream ceremony and build a happy, lasting marriage shines through in everything she does.

We’re grateful to Kris D for sharing her insights and experiences with us. Her dedication to making each ceremony a celebration of love, respect, and joy is truly inspiring. Whether you’re just beginning your journey or are deep into wedding planning, Kris’s advice offers a roadmap to a meaningful, memorable wedding and a lifelong partnership.